All Our Songs

 

 

Well, Nina.  Here’s one more project I promised to do.  Here are all the songs we loved and the story that goes with them.  I miss you so much when I hear them – I have to turn them off.  What kind of life does that leave me?  Everything we enjoyed, everything that brought us pleasure, now only hurts because you’re not here to share them with me.

 

 

 

A Fire I Can't Put Out

All Over Me

 

 

All the Things We've Never Done

A couple is celebrating their anniversary.  While sipping a glass of wine, he regrets all the things he’s never done for her…

 

"I've never built Your mansion on a hill

Or warmed you in the Spanish sun

I simply blink my eye

And think as years fly by

Of all the things we've never done"

 

She thinks a moment, then smiles and shares this thought…

 

"We've never grown apart You never broke my heart

We've never been untrue And I'm still here with you

Through all the things we've never done"

 

 

Alone

Always

Anniversary Song, The

Another Day in Paradise

 

 

Another You

While we sat on the sofa in those last days, you told me you’d already talked to the girls.  You told them to watch out for me, to make sure I found a good woman.  I understood this was your way of letting me know it was okay with you if I married again.  I chose not to argue with you, but I knew that would never happen.

 

I'll start another life

Just like you told me to

I'll find another love

But there will never be another you

 

 

As Time Goes By
One New Year’s Eve before I met Nina, I went on a double date with Gerry Schonberger.  I have no idea who the girls were.  We went to the Sunken Gardens and that’s where I met Count Smith.  The Count played piano and I asked him to play “As Time Goes By.”  I was being very suave.  Years later, Aunt Marilyn invited Nina and me to The Lamplighter Inn (or was it called Something Mushroom).  That’s where we met up with Count Smith again.  He played at the piano bar.  Aunt Marilyn knew him for years so Nina and I were introduced.  And meeting at the Count’s become “our” place.  Whenever he played “As Time Goes By,” I’d tell Nina that’s our song.  But she disagreed.  “That’s your song with the Count, not with me.”

 

 

Autumn Leaves

While I was eating breakfast, I noticed a few leaves falling to the ground.  One by one they fell as if they were taking turns in an Olympic diving contest.  This one fluttered, that one spun, and a third one did the helicopter dive.  At first it reminded me of that wonderful day when Brianna and I played “catch a falling leaf” in the backyard.  We made up a song to encourage the leaves to fall and Brianna impressed me with how fast she could run to the far end of the yard to catch them.

Next thing I knew I had started humming the tune to the song “Autumn Leaves” ...

           The falling leaves drift by my window

I haven't sung that song in quite a while.  Hey, this might be a good song for me to sing at Karaoke.

          The autumn leaves, all red and gold

The melody fits my vocal range, and my voice sounds nice hitting the low notes.  Not quite sure about the lyrics, I continued singing but now it was as if I was hearing the words for the first time.

           I see your face? something, something...
           Since you went away, the days grow long

And now I'm crying uncontrollably.  "The days grow long" ... and my thoughts keep wandering. 

Every day is a life sentence in solitary confinement … but the nights are unbearable.

           But I miss you most of all, my darling
           When autumn leaves start to fall

But it’s not “most of all” just because it’s autumn … for me it’s every day.

This is just another day without you.

 

 

Born to Lose

 

Chiseled In Stone

This song begins with a young man running off to a bar after having a fight with his wife.  As he sits there feeling sorry for himself, an old man sits down next to him and shares this wisdom with him.

 

Son, I know what your going through

You oughta get down on your knees

And thank your lucky stars

That you got some one to go home to

 

The image of a man on his knees reminded me of the day Michael was born.  There was a man in the waiting room, pacing and muttering, oblivious to everyone else.  When the doctor finally came out and told him his baby was born, he frantically asked, "And my wife, how is she?"  The moment the doctor assured him she was well, the man dropped to his knees saying, "Thank you, Lord."  At that point in my life, I couldn't relate to such emotional intensity.  His reaction seemed to me a bit extreme.  I was too young to understand.

 

Long ago I’d read a story about a young girl discussing romance with her father.  “How will I ever find a man I can live with?” she asked.  “You won’t,” he said, “because you’re asking the wrong question.  You should be looking for the one you can’t live without.”  This advice served me well.  It’s how I knew that marrying you was the right choice. 

 

And now there’s this wisdom that comes from this song.

 

You don’t know about sadness,

Ttill you’ve faced life alone. 

You don’t know about lonely,

Till it’s chiseled in stone.”  

 

 

Crazy

Dance, The

Deep Purple

Don't Get Around Much Anymore

Don't Take the Girl

Don't Tell Me (to Stop Lovin' You)

Dreaming My Dreams of You

Embraceable You

End of the World, The

Everything I Love Is Killin' Me

Fire I Can't Put Out, A

First Time, The

 

For All We Know
Nina and I had broken up again for the n-teenth time.  Why? …Because everyone else in the world was troubled by our relationship.  I was alone in my apartment playing this song on the piano, reading the words from the sheet music.  When I got to this line, “
Tomorrow may never come, for all we know,” I reached my resolve.  Whatever problems we might face, nothing could be worse than life without you.  I called you immediately, crying so hard I could hardly talk.  We got back together that night, never to break up again.

 

For the Good Times

 

Ghost in this House
Listen carefully to all the words.  There are, in fact, two ghosts in the house.

 

I'm just a ghost in this house; I'm just a shadow upon these walls

As quietly as a mouse I haunt these halls; I'm just a whisper of smoke

I'm all that's left of two hearts on fire, That once burned out of control

You took my body and soul; I'm just a ghost in this house

 

I don't care if it rains; I don't care if it's clear

I don't mind staying in; There's another ghost here

He sits down in your chair, And he shines with your light

And he lays down his head On your pillow at night

 

 

Gonna Get There Someday

 

 

Good News, Bad News

 

This getting used to goin' on without you

Is gonna take some time

The good news is tomorrow's another day

but the bad news is tomorrow's another day

 

 

Good Stuff, The

Goodbye, My friend

Grand Tour, The

Grandpa (Tell Me 'Bout the Good Old Days)

 

 

The Grass Is Blue
The world just doesn’t make sense to me without Nina in it.  The things that used to bring me pleasure, now only bring pain.  The pain of missing Nina is my only pleasure.  So, how can I fit in with the rest of the world?  When someone says, “Have a nice weekend.”  How am I supposed to react?  So we adjust.  We lie.  Everything is just the reverse.

 

I just can't make it one day without you
Unless I pretend that the opposite's true
But I'm alright now, Now that I'm over you
And the sky is green - And the grass is blue.
And I don't love you - And the grass is blue

 

 

He Didn't Have to Be

 

He Stopped Loving Her Today

This song is pretty old, but I had never heard it before Nina died.  So the first time I heard it, I was fascinated by the lyrics as they slowly unfolded.  Hey, this guy somehow found a way to stop loving her.  I listened intently.  Maybe I’ll finally learn how to end this pain.  Listen to his solution.

 

Hello Darlin'

He's Funny that Way

Home To You

 

 

How Deep Is the Ocean

 

And if I ever lost you

How much would I cry?

How deep is the ocean?

How high is the sky?

 

 

How Do I Live Without You

I Believe

I Can't Give You Anything But Love

I Can't Let Go

I Can't Stop Loving You

I Die Ten Thousand Times A Day

I Hope You Dance

I Keep Going Back to Joe's

I Love the Way You Love Me

I Love You So Much It Hurts

I' m So Lonesome I Could Cry

I Miss My Friend

I Miss You A Little

I'd Love You All Over Again

If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me Her Memory Will

 

 

If You Get There Before I Do
I sang this to you as you lay dying in our living room.

 

If you get there before I do, don't give up on me.

I'll meet you when my chores are through, I don't know how long I'll be.

 

 

I'll Be Seeing You

Every morning when I step out the door and feel a brisk autumn chill or a muggy summer day

Every evening when I see a starry night or a moon that’s bright

Taking out the garbage or putting on a new roll of toilet paper

In the most profound or mundane moments, you’re in my very being

 

In every lovely, summer's day; And everything that's bright and gay; I'll always think of you that way;

I'll find you in the morning sun; And when the night is new; I'll be looking at the moon;

But I'll be seeing you.

 

 

I'll Never Smile Again

I'll See You In My Dreams

In This Life

It Had to be You

I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm

I've Heard That Song Before

Just a Little More

Killin' Time

 

Lady in Red

I always thought of you when I heard this song.  I pictured us dancing and gazing into each other’s eyes, oblivious to the whole world spinning around us.  Now watch the video of Kate’s wedding.  My every dream came true with you in my arms.

 

 

Mama he's crazy
Nina never heard this song, but I know she'd have liked it.

 

Me and Bobby McGee

Men with Broken Hearts

 

 

Moonlight In Vermont

On our first trip to Vermont, I noticed the telephone cable crossing each bend in the road.  So, at the first opportunity, I stopped the car just so we could throw pennies in a stream.  Then, we were hypnotized by this romantic setting.  We gazed at the moonlight. We gazed at each other. 

 

You and I and moonlight in Vermont.

 

 

My Funny Valentine

My Man

Never Knew Lonely

No Future In The Past

Nothing Short of Dying

Once You've Had the Best

One More Day

 

Picture Of Me (Without You), A

Please Remember Me

September Song

She Can't Be Really Gone

Since I Don't Have You

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

Solitude

Some Broken Hearts Will Never Mend

 

 

Some Things Never Change

It’s been nearly ten years, and here I am listening to music while playing solitaire trying to get exhausted enough to be able to fall asleep.  It’s quarter to five in the morning and they play this song.

 

When I said I love you for eternity, I just never knew how true those words would be

Just an old love song,

Just a mention of your name,           

My heart breaks in two again; I guess some things never change

 

 

Something That We Do

Stardust

Still Doin' Time

Stormy Weather

Tell Me I Was Dreaming

That Old Feeling

 

 

That's When I'll Believe That You're Gone

This sums up how I spend every day without you.

 

I still get up an' make enough coffee for two.An' every day, when I pray, I still thank God for you.

Even though my friends all tell me that you're long gone,I'm gonna keep hangin' on to you.

When my heart ain't hurtin', When I've got you off my mind.

When I know that I can make it,Through one day without cryin'.

When I convince myself that I am really all alone:Baby, that's when I'll believe that you're gone.

 

 

Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye

There Goes My Everything

There's a Small Hotel

These Foolish Things (Remind Me of You)

They Can't Take That Away

This Love of Mine

 

Through the Years
This one is truly our song.  Remember the videotape I made for you on Mother’s Day.  I dubbed this song onto the videotape. And then I shot the photos from the poster that Mona made for your 50th birthday showing you and the kids and then you and me… through the years.  I showed it to you while the kids where here celebrating Mother’s Day.  You told me afterwards that you wished I had waited till we were alone.

 

 

Tryin' to Get Over You

This simple refrain says it all.

 

I've been tryin' to get over you

But it'll take dyin' to get it done

 

 

Two Sleepy People
We’d sing along with Count Smith at the piano bar with everyone else.  But when the Count played this song, they’d hand us the microphone for our duet.  We were like lovers in an old black and white movie, singing like we were the only people on the planet, while the rest of the action stood still.  Only this was real – just another part of our real life fairy-tale.

 

Very Thought of You, The

Visit, The

Waitin' On A Woman

Way You Look Tonight, The

We’ll Be Together Again

We'll Meet Again

What Do I Do with Me

What'll I Do

When I Call Your Name

When I Said I Do

When You Are Gone

Who Says You Can’t Have It All

 

Wish You Were Here

Before we were married, in fact, before Nina knew I’d fallen for her, I had to go to San Francisco on a business trip.  I hadn’t flown that much so I was a bit nervous waiting for my flight at the airport.  In those days, you could buy life insurance from a vending machine right there in the airport.  What better way to drop her a hint.  After all, if I did die in a plane crash Nina certainly could use the money.  I bought a policy in her name and dropped it in the mail.  While I was in Frisco still thinking about her, I bought her a kimono.  After all, I might make it back alive.

     Well, I made it back in one piece.  And guess who was waiting for me when I got off the plane.  I remember vividly how her face lit up when she saw me.  I was shocked that she’d come to pick me up.  I hadn’t made arrangements for getting home.  All I know is she hugged me without restraint, then she looked me straight in eye and said, “I missed you so.”  Thinking back on it now, I think she that must have been her way of dropping me a hint, too.

     When we got home, she chided me for the life insurance policy.  “What were you thinking?  God forbid if something had happened, how could I have explained it?  When the envelope came, I opened it at the dining room table and started crying.  David climbed up on the table and handed me a Kleenex, patting my head saying don’t cry Mommy.”  All I could think to do was present her with the kimono.

 

Wonderful Tonight

Yesterday

You Don't Know What Love Is

 

You Made Me Love You

When I hear Judy Garland singing these lyrics…  You made me love you.  I didn't wanna do it.  I didn't wanna do it.”  ...I see Nina looking at me the way she did when she’d sing this song.  Her look said, “It’s all your fault.  My falling in love with you is completely insane, and I didn't wanna do it.  I didn't wanna do it.  But she couldn’t stop it either.  She felt the same way I felt, hopelessly, madly, in love – against our better judgment… just the way love should feel.

 

You know you've got the kind of kisses

That I'd die for

You know you made me love you

 

You're My Best Friend

 

 

 

Copyright © Yale Schwartz, 2010