Momma Stories


Mom has always been quick witted. So, even though she's up in years, plagued by poor eyesight and loss of hearing, her wit still keeps me on my toes.

Email from Momma

This is the event that started it all - it gave me the idea to collect stories about Momma that I'll eventually publish using the title, "Email from Momma."

It started one day in June 2000 when Mom was only 80. I had just finished teaching Mom how to use a computer and send email. I had no idea of the complications that would follow.
"I DID SOMETHING ILLEGAL!"

Not long after the ISP Billing Reminders fiasco, Mom called me and she was frantic. "I did something illegal and they won't let me on Internet anymore."
The Man Who Wasn't There

As I was walking up the stair, I met the man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today. I wish that man would go away.
The Memory Test

June 2008:   Mom had a memory test yesterday. Guess what she scored!
Glasses and Hearing Aids and Memory, Oh My! (audio)

June 2008:   Mom was trying to find a mnemonic to help her remember what to take along whenever she leaves the house.
Carol Has Four Sons (audio)

June 2008:   "Oh, yes. I remember him well."
The Transaction

June 2008:   Mom likes to carry cash. So, the other day when she wanted to go to the bank to get $100.00 for pocket money, I offered to give her the cash and she could just give me a check. She agreed, but she didn't want to use up a check. So, I had her sign an IOU.
Half a Napkin (audio)

July 2008:   Two can live as cheaply as one if you cut the napkins in half. Mom has other ideas.
I wish I were younger (audio)

July 2008:   We had just finished watching the movie, "13 Going on 30"...
Voices (audio)

July 2008:   Just because she nodded off, doesn't mean she's not enjoying the movie.
Say what? (audio)

July 2008:   "Hard of Hearing ...or... Hard of Listening"
Roger Wilco, Over and Out ... What's your 20? (audio)

August 2008:   Mom broke her shoulder while she and I were babysitting for Nathaniel. Mom was napping on the sofa when the phone rang. It startled her awake and she tripped on her way to answer the phone.

After x-rays were taken and Mom was fitted with a shoulder immobilizer, we brought her home and setup her bedroom for comfort and safety. Lynda even provided us with a baby monitor.
After Midnight (audio)

August 2008:   After checking to see that the baby monitor works, I thought I'd get some sleep. But strange things happen after midnight...
Is that all there is? (audio)

August 2008:   So here we were several weeks later and Mom's shoulder is still mending. She spent a week in the hospital, and now she's been in rehab for three weary weeks. The routine was getting to her. And tonight was just one more nightly visit when we were playing gin rummy... again.
That's when Mom began to wax philosophical about her future.
Are you talking to me? (audio)

August 2008:   These rehab prison rules are for sissies.
Silly Questions

August 2008:   If Mom thinks you've asked a silly question... look out!
How Old Are Your Antiques (audio)

August 2008:   I asked Mom about the provenance of her dining room table. That's when I learned that antique collectors are very precise.
Her Little Black Book (audio)

August 2008:   Shortly after her 90th birthday party, I saw Mom writing in her address book.
Where's the remote for the DVD player? (audio)

March 2009:   Who ya gonna call to help you find it?
Sliced Bread (audio)

March 2009:   This is the best thing since sliced bread... as only Momma could make.
(audio)

April 2009:   Mom's favorite TV game show is "Deal or No Deal." She loves watching it. It's got lots of excitement and there's lots of money to be won. But she's not really sure how to play. So, Esther created a home made version and then acting as the host she invited Mom play the game.
Gone Pishin' (audio)

April 2009:   Mom takes a time out.
Mother's Day

May 2009:   Before Mom comes North to visit me, I wanted to find more things we can do together besides playing Gin Rummy. Her limited eye sight makes this a challenge, but I found a website selling these highly visible Scrabble tiles, so I decided to get them for her. Since this was right before Mother's Day I decided that would be her gift. And that inspired me to present her with this Mother's Day card.
Hearing aids? (audio)

August 2009 :   Hearing aids! I don't need no stinking hearing aids.
Mom Keeps Busy

November 2009:   Mom keeps busy . . . all through the night.
How are you getting around?

January 2010:   I overheard a recent phone call between Mom and Lynda.
Medical Bills - side affects

February 2010:   Esther discovered an alternate use for Mom's medical bills.
What's for lunch?

May 2010:   Esther was riding in the car with Mom chatting about what to have for lunch. Here's how the conversation went.
Where's the remote for the DVD player? (update)

May 2010:   Mom's getting better at hiding the remote.
Looking at the Problem in a New Light

July 2010:   Mom had been complaining that she was getting too old to play the piano.
Hip Rehab

January 2011:   Getting into bed requires practice.

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Copyright Yale Schwartz, 2011